Turning Away at the Gates

Living in religious tension overkill again for the past few days, I've been letting my mind wander in the direction of heaven. Last May or so I realized that I wasn't sure if I wanted to get into heaven, even if I could make it past the gates. According to 'my' religion, my top three favourite people would not make it in with me. Realizing this, I thought, well, if the people I love the most won't be there with me, than it's not really heaven is it? So maybe I don't deserve to go to heaven at all. I remember reading one of those really normative story books, the ones that blatantly try to shape children's morals and opinions, when I was about seven. In the story Muhammad told someone that they should love God more than anything or anyone else. Not I. So if I don't place God at the highest echelons of my heart, perhaps I'm not worthy of heaven. I don't know how I feel about this. I just might be better off without it.

Stripes

Another one of those days. I went to four stores in search of a January student pass, but my search was unsuccessful. I was hectored at the security desk by a man who was displeased with my choice of identification, and again at the elevators by a man who paid little attention to detail. On my way back from Tower B I decided to stop for a slice. In the pizzeria I was hit on by a dangerously charming Lebanese pizza boy, the toppings were very fresh, and my crust was crisp and not at all greasy, just the way I like it. While at the pizzeria, and on my way home, I saw a boy, the same boy, wearing the same striped sweater and the same striped scarf, three times. I was struck by the striped boy, because every time I saw him I had the distinct impression that he was headed in the direction opposite to the direction in which he intended to proceed. I was also told that I use my vocabulary to "dazzle" readers. There are stripes here where there shouldn't be.

In all the Excitement...

I need someone that I can trust to lean against and keep me warm. I need someone who'll hold my neck and bring me ibuprofen when I'm too stubborn. I need someone to collapse into and lose my strength to and be sick and be helpless around. I can do a lot, but I can't do it all, and I certainly can't do this alone. I need a solid suit of armor with warm, soft insides where I can hide away and be small in the dark. I need a coconut boat and a teddy bear skipper to take me away to a sea of sleep and dreams.