Turning Away at the Gates

Living in religious tension overkill again for the past few days, I've been letting my mind wander in the direction of heaven. Last May or so I realized that I wasn't sure if I wanted to get into heaven, even if I could make it past the gates. According to 'my' religion, my top three favourite people would not make it in with me. Realizing this, I thought, well, if the people I love the most won't be there with me, than it's not really heaven is it? So maybe I don't deserve to go to heaven at all. I remember reading one of those really normative story books, the ones that blatantly try to shape children's morals and opinions, when I was about seven. In the story Muhammad told someone that they should love God more than anything or anyone else. Not I. So if I don't place God at the highest echelons of my heart, perhaps I'm not worthy of heaven. I don't know how I feel about this. I just might be better off without it.