Is it Really Worth Saying the Things You Think You Should Say?

There are a lot of things that I want to say. A lot of things. The problem, or the hesitancy, is... well... I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the consequences of these things I want to say. Not because I think these things might hurt anyone, or because I think they may incite anger towards me. No, I'm afraid of what I will have to do if I say these things and life goes on as if I had never said them.

I suppose it's fear of rejection that's really keeping me at bay. What happens if, when I tell these people how concerned I am, they shrug it off, and nothing changes? How do you ask someone to make you a priority in their life? If they don't, how do you go on from there? It's not like I've never been cut out before, and it's not as though I've never done the same, but I don't know if in these particular cases I will be able to handle the losses and the pain it is going to entail. Well, that's a lie. Of course I can take it. I've survived much worse. But I don't want to!

I don't want to lose these friends, or to just sit by and let the distance increase. Of course, if I say nothing, I will just stand here, watching it happen, knowing I did nothing to change it. If I say the things I want to say, and the distance continues to increase... I can say that I tried. But I think that's bullshit. Who cares if I tried? I certainly won't, not if I'm still losing things that are very important to me. God damn. This is shitty...