I have a tendency to have very strong reactions. I don't know why, or how to explain it. I also don't know why I should be compelled to explain it. As a matter of clarity, I do not feel compelled to explain. In the course of life I feel that my strong reactions are not something I should apologize for because they keep me honest. If I were to temper myself every time something occurred I would end up imploding due to a radical imbalance of internal and external emotional pressures. Do I think before I act? I don't know. I don't really think I do. Is there a necessary distinction between thinking and acting? Once again I think not. I don't always act quickly though. While I feel strong about many things in my life, I do not take immediate action on things. I take time when I feel there is time to be taken. I'm a curious amalgamation of feeling and thought.

There are no ostriches. There is no other website. What's going on? Where's the door?

The ostriches is from the other web site you were looking at... I think... plus I don't know what anyone else is talking about, so couldn't really comment about any of that without sounding like a complete moron... so I figured it was better to stike out on my own.

That is totally irrelevant. What are you talking about? No one said anything about ostriches.

Intrinsically linked eh? (yes it's from another site and I eavesdrop...) Well I defy the ostriches. No, wait: it's all about the double think. I mean it's NOT all about the double think... yes... that'll fool them... I mean... nothing fools the ostriches... nothing at all... hehehe.

People don't seem to understand my relationship.

Complex talkers? You're becoming way too pixelated my brother. Stop speaking in numbers and units of cybermeasurement. They are even more imaginary than units of regular measurement. Beware the imaginary. Or at least be aware of the imaginary.

I find it odd that you refer to them as clippers. I have always referred to them as cutters. I wonder why this distinction exists. Have you found them yet? Would you like to borrow mine?

i can't find my nail clippers!

well hello, complex like talkers. excuse my absence, i couldn't remember my username or password for a while. i don't really have much to say today aside from "hello" so please excuse my abuse of this forum, if indeed i have commited said offence. digital cd quality sound has a sampling rate/frequency of 44.1 kHz and 16bit depth meaning each individual cycle of sound (1 every 1/44100th of a second) can represent any 1 of 2 to the exponent 16 (approx. 65000) sound amplitudes. dvd sound is 88.2 kHz and 32 bit. mp3s are a compressed file format. an mp3 is created by taking uncompressed digital audio data, and removing all frequencies imperceivable by the average human ear, as well as all frequencies 'masked' by an overlapping of two other frequencies (a violin and piano, for example).
godspeed.

Had the best night I've had in this city last night. Sometimes you give up on things but you can always rely on good friends to bring you back. Those ladies are wonderful. And I'm sorry about the nail polish.

Whay thank you Ciara. I think it goes withut saying that I feel the same way. But I'll say it anyway! I love you, and I wouldn't be the same without you. Your friendship has changed me in ways I never thought possible. I recently tried to list the top ten people in my life. I didn't make it to ten, but you were definitely way up there. I've never met anyone so selfless, kind, strong, or honest. You're by far the best person I know, and you've spoiled me for life. I love you.

Sarah, I just want you to know that I love you and value your friendship as one of the most important things in my life. I love you.

I think she meant tearing atthe seams, but I wouldn't discount her capacity to get all "poetic" with semantics. That girls needs to get an ostrich. And how.

tearing at the seems? does that make sense? do you mean like a tear between realities...? shouldn't it be seams? note to self. don't blog at 5 o'clock in the morning. you stop making sense by then.

My life is a curious emulsification. Two calendars, following the moon, days running into one another and tearing at the seems. The sun will come up soon and I know this because I have been watching the moon so long now. Two days ago I would have been asleep waking up. Now I am awake waking sleep. An emulsification. And you think Sarah is crazy?

I think a kick up the arse in your general direction should show you what counts, missy. Hi-ya!

Canned grapes - ew.
Sticking out of tongues - I wasn't looking, therefore it doesn't count.

Who ever came up with canned grapes, anyway? Prolly someone dumb enough to try eating them so they figured others would be just as dumb! ;)

I would like to add my tongue to the other tongue that is pointing in the general direction of the person who claims we're insane. :P

Canned grapes are disgusting.

Hey! Who exactly is calling us insane? I'm sure that this person must not herself be insane by any stretch of the imagination. Thus she is able to objectively assess the insanity of others. I stick my tongue out in your general direction!

Insane. That's all.

Finally! She's left the room for a few minutes. I guess I haven't introduced myself yet what with Ciara constantly in the room and all. I don't have much time because she'll be back soon, but I've been reading your blogs with interest and would like to propose that we join forces to takeo - Oh crap! She's coming back! Gotta run. We'll continue this later.

Well I seem to be on my own. Sarah is nowhere to be found, and everyone else seems to be in the same position. The princess has gone into a christmas decorating phase. I've decided that if I'm going to be bombarded with something that I'm discluded from I'm at least going to make sure it doesn't look like crap. Unfortunately I gave up because there was, in fact, an excessive amount of useless shit to sift through and I wasn't in the mood. If there's anything that pisses me off more than self-imposition it's disorganization.

Why is it that we do not feel frightened when another person's thoughts make sense to us? For a society of sceptics, we are surprisingly ready to agree and accept the opinions and observations of others. We are increasingly apt to scoff at the supernatural and ethereal, and yet we accept the collective conscious of rationality so readily. Have we suspended disbelief to sustain a system of disbelief?

I'm in a particularly good mood today. I'm motivated to do things, which can be dangerous, because it often leads to me being very constructive but does not necessarily prevent procrastination. Case in point: I am presently composing rather than reading. Now where has the boy been? Also, don't believe anything Sarah tells you.

Alright we need to clear this shit up. Apparently Sarah has been running around telling people that she is cooler than me. Gross misinterpretation of fact. I don't care if you subscribe to conventionalism, conservatism, or catholicism, Sarah is not cooler than me. That being said, if I am in line for a life with Parkinson's disease, this is not the first indication. Also, I'm quite sure that my brain damage is not limited to my cerebellum. So, while I thank you for your help, I need more, as we have ruled out nothing. Now back to this whole - never mind. Pressing matters.

Or there could be damage to your cerebellum.

Perhaps it's the onset of Parkinson's disease.

I think I may be suffering from muscle atrophy. Suffering is sort of inaccurate given the situation. I'm not in any sort of pain. Experiencing. I am experiencing muscle atrophy. My right bicep is twitching. It's actually rather amusing.

Sarah has a boy? Sarah did not tell Ciara about her boy...Sarah needs a nap.

I feel rather unsubstantiated today. The lights keep flickering and I can't tell if maybe I'm actually just on the verge of collapse. I am totally drained of everything that normally sustains me. Sarah needs friends. Sarah needs literature. Sarah needs art. Oh does Sarah need art. Sarah needs her boy. Most of all, Sarah needs her alterego.

I was frankly rather appalled with myself yesterday. It was a disappointing entry. Of course it doesn't really help that every time I have something worthwhile to say I promptly forget it. I also would like to know just what it is that Roomy is eating right now. You really should be here. I smell grease and cheese, such a glorious combination. The glass of water on my desk looks particularly tantalizing right now, but I shall have to exercise my self-restraint. I'm really not at my best lately, am I? Well I suppose I could go on about my theory of existence and its mathematical correlations, but that entry seems to have disappeared. Peculiar, don't you think?

Roomy told me yesterday that she had pulled something out of the pantry and everything started falling out, so she shoved it all back in. Why, WHY would you do that? Don't tell me that you're doing it! That's like shooting me in the foot at close range when I'm standing in salt water! Unfortunately this is about all I have for now, as most of my brilliant ideas come to me at five in the morning. Wait, no, five thirty.

Has anyone else noticed the BLATANT PIMPERY in the new Britney video? Yes, I do feel that this issue is serious enough to admit that I sat through the entire video without changing the channel. Let it be noted that I was compelled to do so. I have enough self-control to prevent channel changing and bad music induced upheavals. I accepted long ago that I have no respect whatsoever for Madonna, but I feel she has sunken to a new level of the gutter. It's like she has found a new region of the gutter. She has lodged herself in the sub-gutter of the ghetto. Not even the ghetto of a relatively decent city, but some place oh-so-white-flour, like Arva. On that note, I must now leave to pimp myself.

I seem to be completely divorced from myself. Apparently I've been engaged in dialogs I knew nothing about. Well isn't that interesting. I've also succumbed to a seeming eternity of not being listened to. Sometimes I wish I could tear a few specific parts of my being completely free of myself and never have to deal with them again. I feel like I'm trapped in a car with a live wire touching it and the engine aflame. I have to leave because if I don't I'll burn alive, but I'm afraid I can't jump free and that I'll get severely injured in the process. Also, it's my god damn car! What the hell! Why should I have to give up my car for electricity and fire?

Your argument contradicts itself. We're individuals, yes, so how would you propose that we avoid self-involvement? We experience the world through ourselves. Life can't REALLY be experienced any other way. That empathy we feel for others? How we think we understand them? It's us relating events they've experienced to our experiences - self-involvement. We can't ever really understand another human being and what they experience. To think so is perhaps one of the biggest mistakes humanity as a race makes. Though we like to think of life a universal constant, it's different for everyone. Our relationships are connections, ways of establishing links to other individuals, to feel intimacy. And these feelings really do make us percieve another person as a part of ourselves. So yes, letting someone go is a physical experience. We cry. We hit things. We yell, we scream. We feel as if parts of us are being torn out, and we expel those part of ourselves that another person made up. It's how we reconcile ourselves to their absence from us. That is how much our relationships mean to us. Without them, we'd be alone. With them, we don't have to feel alone. Which is really what we are in the end. Alone.

We have omitted comfort and empathy. We have replaced them with time and individualism. Apparently no one has ever known what it feels like to be hungry or lonely because they are individuals.

Xavier who? I wouldn't freak out about children just yet. Children are pretty much an afterthought at this point. While we may only have, say 15 years, that's a lot of time, especially after taking into account that life can change in a heartbeat. Change of subject: relationships. We're going in reverse. I don't understand the relationship as an I am in need of completion phenomenon. Not that I have any sort of authority on the matter, but why are people so very self involved? A person is not an extension of yourself, a person is a person. You can't let go at the end of a relationship or the end of the physical manifestation of a relationship because you never had a grasp. What do you expect to let go of? The person? You never had them to begin with. The relationship itself? The relationship is you, it's a part of you, not something that happens to you. The memories? Well now you're just denying the truth as far as it is concerned with you.

how can i have children? i can't even take proper care of xavier!

Oh boy. Is it not supposed to be item? How did it get to be hoitum? Hoit! HA! Anyway. Seriously considering deleting everything I know and starting over again. Where did I get this idea? The back of a yearbook. What relevance does this have to my life? The back of a yearbook. Those are just the type of answers you get when you don't understand your own questions. And learn to publish. For serious.

ho-dot? lodestar? i suggest avoiding dehydration. let me tell you about resolution. average monitor screen resolutions are between 72 and 75 ppi (pixels per inch [linear]). when printing an image however, 150 to 300 ppi is desired for photo realistic image quality. since screens only show 72 ppi, if you're working with 150 ppi data, the image will be approximately twice the size on screen as it would be if printed. likewise, an image scanned in at 300 dpi (dots per inch, a dot is roughly the same size as a pixel), will appear approximately at 400% it's original size on screen. how's it going ciara?

My overwhelming faith in humanity made me do it!

Main Entry: lode·star
Pronunciation: 'lOd-"stär
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English lode sterre, from lode course, from Old English lAd
Date: 14th century
1 archaic : a star that leads or guides; especially : NORTH STAR
2 : one that serves as an inspiration, model, or guide

well, here i am, on the path to find my lodestar. but how will i find my lodestar without a lodestar?

Conspiracies, theories of existence, and mathematical correlations.
Note to self: do not buy the boy any thing with a pixelated screen.

So neither of us have defected as of yet. In addition, I have tracked down Ho-dot boy. I'm not sure if He was introduced to me or Sarah though. And I'm afraid that he was too genuine... I dont know if he actually finds me interesting or if he's researching me. I don't think I could do that. I cannot just write people off no matter how disconnected I actually feel. I don't know if my sense of personal history is just too strong or if I have some sort of attachment disorder. Whatever it is, I'm too nervous around him now.... this will be a relationship to be kept at a distance. And of course, I don't want to be keeping relationships at a distance, because that's not how I think of people. He's got me in rather a predicament now. And he doesn't even know my name.

So what is the deal? Will she stay or won't she? Personally I'm all for the multiple identities. It suits me nicely, after all. So who is going to defect? Me or her? After all I'm still cooler than Sarah... right? Or Is she cooler than me? I don't know. It's an existentialist question isn't it? What the hell does being cooler than her have to do with anything, you ask? Nothing really, it's just something to strive for. That and finding the Ho-dot boy before he moves to Hong Kong. My life would make a splendid animé, wouldn't it? Soooo very lame. You really should have seen me last night. I was just on a role... one-liners coming out of everywhere. It was ridiculous. Also I completed shafty assignment. What one page summaries can do for ancient philosophy I will never know.

So I've finally figured this business out... Turns out I'm more of an idiot than I thought. That's OK, I'm still cooler than Sarah. Anyway, i have yet to actually come up with anything interesting to say, so for the two or three people who actually know that this site exists, I'm so very sorry. It's rather a sad state of affairs, I know, but I am determined to make this worth the 30 seconds it takes to get to the site and scan for new entries... Oww! Stupid desk... My desk bit me. Stupid desk. That's not really a sentence, is it? No it's really not... I find Arabic much more convenient that way. A two word sentence can actually be very descriptive. Nothing like "She Fell". You can establish entire situations, perhaps even a social paradigm or two, using just two words. It makes you wonder... Well it makes me wonder at any rate. Just how useless is the English language?

Unfortunately I now have to deal with my obsession with organization....It's broken! How do I fix it? I suppose I can deal with it. On to greater things... I would ask how the comments work, but that would involve you having the ability to make comments. So I'm crippled. Oh well.