I have a secret...
I am hilarious.
*Giant. Grin.* No, really. I'm a very happy person. Goofy beyond belief, once you get past the nervousness and the cut through the tension and find me in a place where I am comfortable.
Lately, however, by which I mean since I was about four years old, it has been near impossible to find that place. Thing is, I am tired of living in this itty-bitty shell. The innocent, bright-eyed, sweet person I was born as has not died. She's inside, trapped in a cyst I built to protect her. Today is an exciting day. I've found her, and she is, ever so cautiously, coming out to play.
Tuesday Affirmation: I will play. I will laugh. I will sing. I will nurture myself, and I will heal. Hell, I might even dance, eyes closed, arms in the air, smile across my lips. I'm alive, and I'm better for it.
Good lord, that sounds... so... not... like me. Okay. I'm going to get goofy, but let it be known, I don't want anyone buying me posters with motivational sayings. Or stuffed animals. Or bloody Chicken Soup for the Soul. I am going to get better, and I am going to do it with a sense of humour. Not with butterflies and puppies and touchy-feeliness.
Asim has a habit of telling me that one day some wonderful guy is going to come along and melt away my icy exterior, and everything will be all snuggles and bunnies and cuteness. I have insisted vehemently that this would not happen. I'm starting to think that we're both right. I find it hard to believe that I could ever not be dry-witted and sharp-tongued, as, frankly, I like to bite sometimes. That said, I'm excited to soften up. I will not, however, continue waiting for someone to come save me. I'm saving myself, and I'm doing it laughing.
