I have days. Some of them are good, some of them are bad. I think I need to treat them all as ordinary. If I can figure out that a day is just a day, I think I might be better able to manage the bad days .
Today was a particularly good day. Last night, before going to bed, I decided today would be a good day. I made a list of things I would do, and although I have yet to complete every task on my list, so far I have been good. If I don't manage the last item... I'll be in a bit of a stitch in terms of important things I need to accomplish in my life beyond the problem, but it will still have been a good day.
Sunday Affirmation: Today I have learned that this thing is not all-consuming. I know how to swim. If it tries to pull me under, I will simply tell it to fuck off. I might need to invest in some water wings, just for days when I am tired, but I can handle it. I believe in my ability to swim.
I am determined to go to bed still feeling upbeat, still feeling like today was a good day. I have not pitied myself today. I've been doing things. Lots of things. Some things that I like, some things that were a bit mundane. The mundane bits were great. I was happy to be doing them, happy that I managed to shake off the lethargy, happy I could make myself function, happy that I forced myself not to dwell on all the shittiness. If I did it today perhaps I can do it tomorrow. And then again the next day, and again the day after that. Learning to live one day at a time is an interesting thing. Takes optimism. And a lot of practice.
Perhaps most importantly, today was a scratch-free day. No, better. Today was an itch-free day. Of course, I still have about five hours to go, but I have a good feeling. I'm not going to start counting days. I'm not doing this AA style, but I figure everyday that I don't get the feeling is a day I can be proud of.
There you go, Sarah. Someone loves you, and you know you can trust her. Next step, everyone else. Git'er done!
