Not Recommended For Those Sensitive to Loss

There are days when you're just so soaked in sadness that the tears ooze from you. These are the days when you remember the dead. Not the happy times or the chance that in some time and some new space you'll be with them again. No. These are the days when you remember just that you will never be near them the way you were that day, that moment, that thirty seconds when everything was perfect. The sun cast a warm golden light. A blanket or a sweater provided a gentle tactile warmth that made you feel the slightest bit sleepy. Their body kept you warm and your chests rose and fell in synchrony. The air was sweet and clean, and all you heard was a heartbeat. This is the day that you remember how distant that moment is and how impossible it is to regain that feeling. When you finally realize that they are no dead, just gone, the tears stop. There is no catharsis. There is no sigh of relief. Just a sadness that swallows everything from within you, as though your soul was a parasitic ebb at the end of an expansive vacuum, waiting to swallow you whole. It's the days like this that you forget that there was joy in your life. You forget that there was ever anything good or warm in that moment. These are the moments when your soul is taken and turned over and over inside an hourglass so that no time passes and no respite comes. You roll endlessly until you have no strength to exist. When you finally drift back into consciousness nothing has changed. You are a little numb, a little lost for joy, and the burden of your sadness stays with you while you walk on into the day and try to work through the emptiness.